Hormuz Is Closed, Oil Is Furious, and Your Monday Is Already Ruined
The US-Iran war enters week five and markets are bracing for a Monday that's going to hurt
Ticker Ratings
| Ticker | Rating | Entry Price | Current | $ Gain | % Gain |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| BTC Grayscale Bitcoin Mini Trust ETF | buy | $66238.00 | — | — | — |
| PLTR Palantir Technologies Inc. | buy | $141.31 | — | — | — |
| UUP Invesco DB US Dollar Index Bullish Fund | hold | $27.84 | — | — | — |
| NKE NIKE, Inc. | sell | $51.16 | — | — | — |
| BYND BEYOND MEAT, INC. | sell | $0.64 | — | — | — |
| BA BOEING CO | hold | $190.05 | — | — | — |
Five weeks into the US-Iran conflict and the market's collective blood pressure is through the roof. Iran's Revolutionary Guards are threatening to completely close the Strait of Hormuz if Trump follows through on threats to Iranian energy infrastructure — a chokepoint that handles roughly 20% of global oil flow. Iran is currently running the strait like a luxury toll road, charging select vessels up to $2 million per voyage. That's not geopolitics, that's a racket.
Social sentiment is firmly in panic mode. Bloomberg podcast coverage is tracking 3,500 additional US troops arriving in the region, AI tools from Anthropic baked into Palantir's Maven system processing strike packages, and Saudi Arabia's East-West pipeline maxed out at 7 million barrels/day trying to paper over the disruption. Meanwhile the Aramco CEO quietly ghosted a major energy conference. When the guy who runs the world's largest oil company doesn't want to show up and talk about oil, that tells you everything.
$BTC bulls are out in force on the Bloomberg crypto podcast, framing Bitcoin as 'monetary insurance' during de-dollarization — and honestly, when Treasury Secretary Bessent is publicly confirming the US has 'plenty of funds for an Iran war,' you start to understand why nation-states are eyeing hard assets. The dollar is spiking on haven demand, which is the market's polite way of saying everyone is quietly screaming.
Artemis II is still launching April 1st though — and at this rate, four astronauts flying 285,000 miles from this planet sounds like a reasonable life choice.